And Then There Were Five....

Ahhh! It still feels so surreal to say that I am pregnant, but here we are-I'm pregnant! We're going to be a family of FIVE!It was quite the secret to keep, considering I do try ons, basically on a daily basis. Being that this is my third pregnancy, I started showing a lot sooner than my other pregnancies, making it a challenge to hide! Let's just say there was a lot of strategic standing, posing, trying to suck in my stomach. It was challenging some days!You may have noticed I've been a little more absent here on the blog and on instagram-I have been so exhausted and just feeling blah. With my previous pregnancies I was just tired-no nausea, no vomiting or anything. I don't feel nauseous or anything now, but the thought of food to me is just eh. Some (most) days I feel like I have to force myself eat-carbs are like the only thing that is even remotely appealing to me, and it seems like anything and everything gives me mild heartburn!So, to those of you that have sent me messages on instagram asking if I am ok because I haven't been posting/instastory-ing as much, thank you but YES! I am fine, just pregnant and tired lol! It's also why there hasn't been a book club book for the last two months. After I get the girls to bed I am basically dead to the world, just a vegetable on the couch!THOUGHTS ON HAVING A THIRDI feel like there are so many of us out there that struggle with the "should we? shouldn't we?" debate. I've had friends ask me before how I know for certain that I want a third, and that I am not done. It was always hard to explain, and for the longest time, pre kids and even early on in parenting I thought 2 children was what I wanted, maybe three. But after having Charlotte, I just still didn't feel like I was done, ready to hang it up. It wasn't until I read an article once, that it became so easy to explain my feelings and desire to try and have another child. I wish I could remember where I read this, but I am drawing a blank. The general idea though is:Picture your family sitting around a table 30, 40, 50 years from now. Can you look at your current family, your current situation and confidently say "we're all here."?For me, I couldn't. For Ryan, he for the most part could. We definitely were not on the same page with wanting another child but it wasn't something I wanted to pressure him into. Sure, there were the jokes here and there from me (and friends, too!) but I never wanted him to feel like I was pressuring him into it. Would we never have another, I knew I would probably be a little upset, and it would be something I would have to move on from, process on my own time, but it would be ok. But I also knew it wasn't worth forcing him into doing something he didn't want to do. Our marriage is very much 50/50 in all aspects, and this especially was something we both needed to be fully on board for.Long story short, and for the sake of just keeping some things 'ours', Ryan shared with me last summer that he had been praying about it a lot, and he wanted to try for a third. What?!?! I had imagined this moment for years, thinking I'd be so ecstatic, over the moon. I was excited for sure, but I surprised myself and was very even keeled  with "are you sure?" "you're positive?" "you've got to be completely on board with this." I just wanted to make sure there was this mutual desire, that he would never feel like it was something he was forced into do. Resentment can be a pretty intense feeling, and it was something I never wanted to be an issue or concern.But how about that?! With us on the same page, and shortly after selling all of our baby stuff  (lol oops, I guess?), we figured we would give it a go and see if we would be lucky enough to be blessed with a third baby.HOW/WHEN WE FOUND OUTI had taken a pregnancy test here and there over the last several months and they were all negative so I was anticipating this one to be the same. I had a weird feeling, though because I had been getting massive pimples, which is totally unlike me. I have been blessed with pretty great skin my whole life, so to be getting back to back to back zits was just weird.The morning I was leaving for Ohio on a press trip (at the end of February) I decided to take one, just to see. To my surprise, it was positive! I wasn't leaving until mid afternoon for the airport, and Ryan was supposed to be coming home before I left and I was going to tell him, but he ended up not making it home. It was something I definitely wanted to tell him in person and not over the phone, so it would have to wait until I got home the following evening, around midnight!He was about half asleep, but I couldn't wait to share! Shocked was definitely part of his reaction, as was mine. Sort of the "are we really doing this?" kind of thing!TELLING OUR FAMILY AND FRIENDSThere was one common theme among all of our family and friends: SHOCK. LOL! When we had decided to have a third, we pretty much told no one that we were trying. Even when we were trying with Ella and Charlotte we didn't tell anyone-it's just something that we never felt the need to share (I didn't want the "hey how is the trying going?" conversations). It's no one's business, really. There are so many things that could or could not happen both good and bad when trying to get pregnant that it's just something that we really wanted to keep to ourselves.So needless to say, when we shared we were pregnant there was a lot of (albeit happy) "WAIT WHAT?"We had close family over for Ella's birthday so we figured that was the best time to tell them. We had known for over a month before we told them all-it was so hard to keep in from them! My Dad's birthday was the following weekend so we gave him an early birthday present-a framed ultrasound picture. Their reaction was priceless! I wish we would have gotten a picture of Ryan's parents reactions' too!I love how there is such range in there reactions! My Dad's reaction is priceless. My mom just got done saying "Are you having a baby?!?!" and my brother is like "what is happening?"After we told my parents and brother, and Ryan's parents and brother/family, there was a lot of texting/calling the rest of my family to share the news along with sharing with our close friends over the next few weeks. We are lucky to have a group of great friends in our lives who are more like family to us (framily, I like to call them), so it was important to us to tell them before we let the whole world know.In similar fashion to telling our family, there was a lot of surprise and shock! This baby ( like Ella and Charlotte of course) is going to be loved so much-we're incredibly lucky!While it was kind of nice to have this blessing be apart of our own, personal world with close friends and family I will say it feels so good to finally be able to share it and not have to hide it anymore!You're probably wondering how the girls took the news, right?!They have been bugging us relentlessly over the last few years for a pool, a dog, or a baby (not in that particular order, but always those three). Never ending-a pool, dog, baby, pool, dog, baby. More recently, a house in Florida has been added to the list by Ella. We told the girls they were getting one of the things from their list-of course Ella said 'a house in Florida!' and Charlotte proclaimed 'a puppy! a puppy!'LOL-sorry girls, neither of those! But, when we showed them the ultrasound picture and told them it was indeed a baby, they were thrilled. Charlotte said "I can yell at somebody!" Hahaha yes, Charlotte, you will finally have someone to boss around!I'll share the video over on my instastories, so be sure to check it out-it's a hoot!HOW I'M FEELING/FIRST TRIMESTERI had my first appointment at the beginning of April. A bit stressful this time around-I think because of my age. I know women are having babies well into the 40's and even 50's but the last time I was pregnant I was 30-that's quite a jump from my current age of 37. For some reason I was just worried. I can't quite remember the details of my previous pregnancies but this time around I didn't feel pregnant yet (ladies, you know what I mean, right?!) so I was just worried. My worries were quickly squashed when the sonogram tech said the baby's heartbeat was strong (and there was only one-my Dad is a twin and Ryan's grandmother was a twin so the possibility of twins is always there, which to be honest always made us a tad nervous)! I was also measuring a week further along which puts my due date at 11/4. I am a little over 12 weeks at this point.I am really ready to wrap up my first trimester at this point. Like I said earlier, it's been exhausting. I don't remember feeling this tired with Ella or Charlotte, but then again I didn't have two children to care for, two businesses to run, and I was also 26 and 30 when I was pregnant with them, not 37! I honestly don't know if I have ever felt this kind of exhaustion before! I will say one thing though that has helped a lot is going for walks.  I have made it a point to go for a walk 3-4 times a week. That has helped my exhaustion, headaches and overall blah feeling a lot. It's weird how amazing crisp, fresh air has made me feel!Getting dressed and doing my hair and makeup each day is a chore to me-if I do both it is a huge deal for me. The effort and motivation just isn't there! Motivation in general isn't there. Like I have zero motivation in any aspect of my life at this point-all I really want to do is just sleep and rest! I've had a bit of the blues, too. Not like an overwhelming feeling of being sad, but just kind of eh.As far as my emotions are concerned, I feel like they're one extreme to the other. I am generally an emotional person to begin with, but certain things that would normally make me cry or emotional make me either super emotional, or the complete opposite, and I feel zero emotion-like I have no heart-LOL! It's the weirdest feeling to know that something would typically make you an emotional wreck makes you feel nothing!Food-like I said earlier, my attitude towards food has just been eh. Also a weird feeling, because there is just about nothing that ruins my appetite. Crackers, bread and oddly enough french fries (but I haven't been having a ton of them) are a few of the things that don't make me feel like I could get sick. Also, on the rare occasions I am super hungry, I will have a few bites and then just be completely done. Example-the other night after our family photos I was starving, like couldn't wait to get to Chipotle to eat a salad. I had several bites and was just over it. Done, gross, I can't eat anymore. Pregnancy does weird things to you, doesn't it?!With food on the brain, I will address doing WW (formerly Weight Watchers). I had shared a few months ago that I was doing it, but once I found out I was pregnant, I had to stop-it's not recommended for pregnant women to do WW. I get messages periodically asking if I am still doing WW and how it's going, and it's been really hard to respond without totally lying, but still trying to be vague, but to not sound negative because I truly do love WW. I plan on doing it after I have the baby!ARE WE FINDING OUT THE GENDER/DO WE HAVE NAMES?Fun fact-we already know what we are having! We will share at some point, but just not yet. I'm kind of loving having it be somewhat of a secret (I say somewhat because our family and friends already know). I will say that I was surprised when we found out, Ryan wasn't, and the girls were bummed. Like Ella gave an overwhelmingly ho-hum "ohhhh" and Charlotte literally said "I'm bummed." LOL. I mean, what can you do?!?Names-we have a list of names that I keep in my phone. While we don't have any that are like our number one, we-keep-going-back-to-it names, we do have some that we love! When we do settle on a name, we aren't sure if we are going to share it or not, but at this point, we are no where near settling on one!

Outfit Details:Maternity Dress (Mauve color) Non maternity version /// ShoesElla's Top /// Ella's Jeans /// Ella's ShoesCharlotte's DressRyan's Top (old, similar)/// Ryan's Pants (similar) /// Ryan's Shoes

Also, I can't end this post before giving credit where credit is due. Jaclyn at A Glow 2 Go LLC gives the best spray tans. She comes to you, making it so incredibly convenient!Ivana and Maggie from MKUP the Beauty Studio did an amazing job with my makeup-I can't recommend Maggie and her team enough!Lastly, Brady always outdoes himself with our photo shoot. He started shooting for my blog last year and I am so thankful for him and his incredible talent!The weather was awful for our photo shoot, and I knew we couldn't reschedule, so we scrambled and ended up at the gorgeous Hueter's Greenhouse. It is so beautiful there and their selection is insane! Also, it makes for a great photo shoot location!